Bite-Dose

Who doesn’t love to look at America’s famous bimbos? They’re hot, but sometimes we’d rather not listen to them. These hot women are some of the ones in society that you would like to tell to be quiet and keep looking pretty.

Sometimes, being ditzy can be cute. Other times, it’s so bad that it’s a he turn-off. Either way, we have a lot to make fun of. Here are the best stupid quotes spoken by bimbos.

1.”What’s Wal-Mart? Do they like make walls there?” Paris Hilton

Are you kidding me? I can understand that her spoiled little rich ass has never set foot in a Wal-Mart, but does she watch television? Has she never seen a Wal-Mart commercial, read about them on the internet, seen a Wal-Mart on the news, or seen any stock information on them? Maybe we’re getting ahead of ourselves. We’re not sure Paris knows how to read and her being interested in the stock market is not likely. I’m sure she hires someone else for her “brain work”. The news may confuse her, but as far as TV commercials go, one would think she would have seen a Wal-Mart commercial. I guess it slipped by her somehow. I would just like to know where you can go in this country without even seeing a Wal-Mart.

2. “Smoking kills. And if you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” Brooke Shields

Oh, I don’t know, maybe the important part of your life already past. What? If you die, don’t you lose your life? Isn’t that part of dying? Was this supposed to be a profound statement? She should have stopped at, “Smoking kills”. It makes you wonder shat she was trying to say. I hope that wasn’t it.

3. “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death stuff.” Mariah Carey

Mariah, wake up! We’re talking about starving children! So, the fact that they’re skinny and mal-nutritioned doesn’t bother her. It’s the flies and “death stuff”. The fact that they go days without eating is okay with her as long as there are no flies and they don’t die. Is that what she’s saying? Is she really serious?

4. “I’ve never wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.” Britney Spears

Huh? First of all, who moved Japan to Africa and didn’t tell me? Second of all, she won’t go there because she doesn’t like fish? Is she afraid that she won’t be able to find anything else to eat? Does she avoid carnivals because she doesn’t like cotton candy? All I can say is, “Wow!”

5. “I’m not anorexic. I’m from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I’ve never heard of one. And that includes me.” Jessica Simpson

That makes about as much sense as, “I won’t get fired from my job. I ride a bike.” Does she think that there’s a cure for anorexia in the water in Texas? Perhaps anorexia knows not to travel to Texas. Did she really think that this was some sort of medical proof that she’s not anorexic? This is why she shouldn’t speak. However, it wouldn’t hurt her to eat a sandwich.

6. “I was asked to come to Chicago because Chicago is one of our 52 states.”

Should we start with the fact that we only have 50 states or that Chicago is a city? If she indeed was asked to go to Chicago because it was one of the 52 states, I would love to know who told her that. I’d also like to know why she fell for it. I think someone needs some serious U.S. geography lessons.

7. “I get to go to lots of overseas places like Canada.” Britney Spears

Good ol’ Britney in at #4 and back in the game at #7. She’s another one in need of some geography lessons to say the least – the very least. Wouldn’t it be fun to mess with her head? You could probably get away with telling her that she’s going to Rhode Island to look for Gilligan and the other six castaways and she’d believe it.

8. “I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist.”Tara Reid

Did she mean to say rocket scientist or did she mean a rock scientist? A rock scientist is a geologist. Well, you have to be smart to be either. The sad part is that Tara doesn’t make Jessica Simpson look like a rock or a rocket scientist. It’s pretty much the other way around.

9. “I think the Clueless movie was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think the lightness has to come from a very deep place if it’s true lightness.”Alicia Silverstone

Okay… It’s obviously not very “light”, or more to the point, bright upstairs in Alicia’s house, if you know what I mean. We can’t even say that she should stop part way through her statement. The whole thing is a mess. I guess she could stop after “I”, but not after “I think” because obviously she doesn’t think.

10. “It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren’t, then I’d be a teacher.” Linda Evangelista

I never thought the phrase “Thank God” could mean so much. Thank God he did make her beautiful (though I wouldn’t say “so” beautiful) and even more importantly, thank God she’s not a teacher!

11. (Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?) Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we did live forever, then we would live forever, which is why I would not live forever.” Heather Whitestone, Miss Alabama

Whoa! The only sense I made out of that is that she wouldn’t live forever. I don’t know why, she doesn’t know why, and in fact no one knows why. Let’s not try to figure this one out and let’s leave it at the fact that she wouldn’t live forever. She went in so many circles with that one that we all got dizzy.

12. “Is this chicken what I have or is it fish? I know it’s tuna but it says ‘Chicken of the Sea’.” Jessica Simpson

Sure. I can understand this. Doesn’t everyone get chicken and tuna confused? If anyone else said this, I’d tell them to stop and think about it, but with Jessica I’m really afraid she did stop to think about it.

13. So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?” Christina Aguilera

In her defense, the Cannes Film Festival was held in Cannes last year. I don’t know. I tried to help her, but it didn’t work. I bet if she had stopped to think about it, she wouldn’t have said it, but it’s still funny.

14. “When I pictured heroin, I pictured some crazy crack head with no shoes under a bridge. You never think that is going to be you. And it never was me. I was never under a bridge, and I always had shoes. Nicole Richie

Well, that’s a relief. I’m glad Nicole Richie always had shoes! So, I’m not really sure what her message was suppose to be. Is she saying that homeless people don’t have shoes or that shoe-less people don’t have homes? Not to mention that heroin is one drug and crack is totally different. Is she trying to say that if you do crack, then you’re addicted to heroin or that if you’re addicted heroin that makes you a crack head? I’m not sure.

15. “Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything.” Ivana Trump

Isn’t that why the call it “fiction”? Unlike a lot of statements in this list of blunders, at least you can follow the logic in this one. She almost made it to her destination, but at the last second she accidentally took a detour. We get the message – almost. It was a good try.

So what makes a bimbo a bimbo? Well, I think it’s a combination of great looks and no brains. A lot of times, they’re also blonde. It’s not a requirement, but it doesn’t hurt. These are classic things that bimbos would say. What always amazes me is how these women function in society. I’m glad we have bimbos. Not only do they look great, but they also make us all feel so much smarter, like “rock” scientists from overseas in Canada.